hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
