There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
