yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
