the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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