We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize