Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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