??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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