I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
