so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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