Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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