If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
