once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
