We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
