it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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