I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
