You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
