Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
