weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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