Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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