fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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