Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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