Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
