At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
