I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
