ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
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I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
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