so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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