these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
