Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
