Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
