It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
