Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
