Slut skills are useful in every country.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
