dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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