She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
