WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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