I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
