not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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