finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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