No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
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A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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