Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
