I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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