Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
