He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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