You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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