nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
