I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
