I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
