I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
