I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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