every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
