I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What a dumb baby whore.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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