Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
