just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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