PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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