remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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