I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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