Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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