I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
