The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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