Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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