I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
