Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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