Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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