just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
