we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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