went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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