My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
