So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
