we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
