Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
