youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
