yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
