I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
