Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
