how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
ttyl tear gas
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
