If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You were trust falling into bushes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
