Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
