girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
