then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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