it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize