that's an acceptable place to lick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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