you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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