the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
