Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
